Here I am at work. I was previously facebook-im-fighting with my pregnant cousin, who thinks she wants to name her son Bentley. I hope I'm not the only one who can see at least three problems with this name. Now I'm idling away my last 30 minutes of my lunch hour. It's awfully boring here and I'm tired.

I found one of my cousins on facebook the other day and I'm qite pleased about it since we hadn't talked in...ten years, more or less. She's married now and her husband is a Marine. I think that's interesting. He's being deployed soon, which is too bad. I hope not for too long, but she's moving back home while he's gone so maybe it will indeed be a while.

I sent out the invitations for the bridal shower today so at least that's out of the way. Now I hardly have to think about anything at all. (That's a lie.)

Classes start next Monday. I'm less than thrilled as the time draws closer but I can handle it, maybe. I hope I can. I am prepared to try my best, anyway! I'm going to buy my books after work today.

What else? Nothing. Goodbye!

My sister's wedding is seriously making me want to kill myself. That or give up the relation and keep away from that side of the family. I feel no joy in it what so ever. I just want it to hurry up and get here so I don't have to think about it any more. It needs to be over with so I can get rid of the dress, sell the shoes, and banish all elements of it from my mind. It's hard to even be happy for her. I wish she'd elope and I would gladly buy her the $400 coffee maker or whatever it was she talked about for her as a "thank god you stopped torturing everybody about your fucking wedding" gift. ARGH!!!

I hate them.

My brother and I are watching Clue. It's such a great movie. When mother returns from the store, we will have AA batteries to put in the Wii things and we are going to play a new game Ty bought us. It looks interesting.

I'm so tired of working. My job is fine, I just don't want to work anymore. This week I shall start my new job...thing. I was doing discoveries but now I shall be opening new cases. It seems like such a complicated thing to have to do and I don't want to. However, I have no choice in the matter really. NP said I could talk to Miguel about not changing but I think I can get more money if I do. And I love money.

Speaking of money, I'm going to be spending a lot of it soon. Alex and I are going to Medieval Times in Orlando in a couple weeks and Molly is coming too. I'm really excited about it. I also have to order my shoes for Erika's wedding, pay for her bridal shower stuff, order some decorations for my cousin's baby shower, buy new furniture and dishes for my house once my parents move, and I'm going to buy a treadmill! Oh godddd. That's going to be a lot of money. I don't want to think about it anymore.

I'm hungry. I think I will go find something to eat. (See why I need a treadmill?)

I worked on the bridal shower a bit today and have some ideas. An e-mail exchange with my sister, however, has shown that my ideas may not be used. She sent me some of her ideas, which were quite different from mine, and I've sent her some of my ideas back. I'll have to wait to get her reply to see how I'm going to move forward. I'd like to get all of the shower stuff done and out of my way so I can start classes next month without having to juggle things.

Work today felt like an entire week. I think not taking a lunch had something to do with it, but I had so much to do! I think I'm almost caught up completely. Tomorrow I'll be filing some of my ninety million green folders and that will be a relief. I hate those things. The only good thing about having to change what work I'm doing will be not having to do file green folders any more. Whee!

I still have to order my shoes for the wedding but I'm going to wait until I get my paycheck on Friday. I'm also hoping to use my paycheck to go away for the weekend but that depends on whether Alex starts his new job or not.

Today I purchased ear plugs so maybe I will be able to sleep through the night. Or at least through more of it than usual.

I almost cut my hair off today but came to my senses before I got home where the scissors are.

I'm exhausted.

I wish fireworks could be just as pretty without the noise. I loathe the noise.

Georgia has been lovely. I've been tanning and swimming, which is what I wanted to do this weekend, and my sister and I made a bridal shower plan and picked out shoes for me to wear to the wedding, which is what I came up here to do. Phew!

I've been really bitter about my sister's wedding, despite being maid of honor. I hate the dress, she was being a bitch about shoes, and I'm just really not thrilled with any part of it. However, today I feel totally mellow and groovy about it. Maybe now that I finally just told her I didn't like the dress, I've come to accept it and get over it. It's her wedding and I have to do what she wants and I knew that but now I'm okay with it. And that's great because I didn't really want to be standing next to her at the altar faking a smile.

Tomorrow morning I might go look at my sister's new house but it involves waking up really early and I don't fancy that but there also might be time constraints with getting to the airport. So we'll see what happens.

I can't wait to go home. I hate being away from Alex, even if it's only for a few...well, hours, really, but i was going to say days. I get so lonely and I feel like part of me is missing. I know it's lame and everybody makes fun of me for it all the time but that is how I feel. Le sigh.

My family might move to Tennessee. It would be interesting. I would still miss them but at least it would be easier to talk to them than if they were in Uruguay again. That was awful. If they do go, then I get to stay in my house for mostly free, which would be quite nice. We shall see.

I get to go to bed now! I'm being woken up at 8:15 so I can shower and be fed delicious breakfast and then go to the airport. My diet has suffered quite horribly while I've been here because last night and tonight were family-neighbor cookouts and there was lots of food. One of these days I will learn self-control but for the next week, I can eat nothing but yogurt and salads. My ass is still two sizes bigger than the dress I ordered and my fitting is only two months away. I can do it!!

The Rock's SNL opener is now tied with Jude Law's as my favorite.

yay, i didn't fail! yay, i got two b's!

and now i'm going to sew myself blind again! more yay!

I'm writing my last paper. It is DUE at 1230 pm. By DUE, I mean, typed, printed, stapled and in my teacher's mailbox on campus. AHHHHHHHH! THE END.

I always thought I needed to have a megaupload account to download movies for my ipod and believed it so unfair that people would post movies I really wanted and make me get an account. So I never got an account and I never downloaded any of the movies I wanted if they were on megaupload. And then last night, I found out I COULD download movies without an account. So now I feel silly but at least I have Tropic Thunder. AHAHAHA, ME FTW!

Paper time. Peace out.

I stole it from Molly and I would tag her but I don't remember how and I can't be bothered to look it up because that would take more time I don't have. Here's the rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. The first lines of twenty songs = a poem; the first line of the twenty-first song is the title.

And here's my poem!

Let me tell you ‘bout Wayne and his deals of cocaine…

I came to New York to start gypsy punk revolt
After that confrontation
Are the stars out tonight?
It’s taken much too long

Goodnight, sweetheart, well it’s time to go
Hey brother, won’t you please open up your heart for me now
I am the passenger
You were the mother of three girls so sweet.

If you were in my heart, I’d surely not break you
You can see it in her letters
I would’ve died
This is the only lonely picture

Brothers and sisters, put this record down
There is a house in New Orleans
I had a dream
Puts up the closed sign does the man in the corner shop

What’s wrong baby?
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Am I the key?
Blue cars big beat dead on my feet.

Molly's poem was much cooler than mine. Oh well.

Thank god this is the last week! I've got an 8 page rough draft due this Tuesday with the final due next Tuesday, a 3 page paper due Wednesday, an 8 page paper due Thursday and a final on Friday. I know it's not as bad as other peoples' schedules but for me, it's really awful. I think I'd rather have finals than papers. Especially since I thought I would work on them all weekend but failed miserably. I've got half an outline for the three page paper and half a topic for the Tuesday paper and that's it. I think I'm going to be working very little this week in an effort to finish all this shit. I need to find a new study haven because if I stay at my house, I end up doing Christmas-y things, like wrapping presents. And for some reason, I never get anything done at Alex's house either, until the weeeee hours of the morning. It is for this reason I think I shall need a study buddy this week because I really, really need to do well on these papers.

I have a crush on the LG Lotus. It's SQUARE. And PURPLE. It's definitely not time for me to get a new phone, nor is it very affordable on my budget, but I like it a lot. So...maybe I can beg somebody. Like my father. Except he just bought me a new digital camera. I wonder if I can get him to return that and get me the new phone? Hmm... Well, it's probably just going to be a love object from afar.

Perhaps I will now go to bed in order to attempt to work tomorrow. Stupid work.

Clearly I cannot be trusted to go Christmas shopping without being strictly chaperoned. I spent quite a bit more than I wanted and I bought more things for myself than anybody else. This is just not right. I'm thinking about hitting up the used bookstore today and if I can find more books I like for a certain somebody, I might return the ones I bought today. Who knows. I probably should. And I should return the shoes I bought myself. My closet probably can't hold any more shoes. Ugh.

I've got a final paper due Wednesday. Which means I really need to get to work on it today. And I need to find a copy of Troy, since I can't find the copy Patrick made me.

I have a bitch for a whole week. I'm excited.

I am currently playing with the coolest thing everrrrr. It's a program that turns your keyboard into a keyboard!!! Of the piano variety, of course. So all my typing is musical and delicious and it is sooooooo cooooooool. It is all Alex's fault of course. I wonder if I would want to kill myself if I tried typing a paper this way. That would be interesting to find out. Sadly, I can't have this for Mac which is dumb. Oh well.

I have to babysit tomorrow morning and...that requires me waking up much earlier than I want to. Bah. At least I will make money and hopefully be able to pay my car bill. That would be cool. And stuff.

Nighty night!

I have been awake all night working on this fucking paper and I have NOTHING written. I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time with it. And now I'm going to be exhausted all day. Ugh!

Paper writing is so haaaard! Argh! Especially when so many things are around to distract me! Oh my god. OH. MY. GOD.

So anyway...today, I received a phone call from my step-dad while I was at dinner with Alex, and when I called him back, I was rewarded with lavish praise for being such a good daughter and he even said I could get another gold star tattoo and he would pay for it.

It occurs to me that I haven't had a drink since August or so. And I know for a fact that there is vodka in the freezer and juice in the fridge but I don't want to go out into the kitchen to make myself a drink. This is because I am at Alex's house and his whole family is out in the living room. I don't really want to...converse with them or have them see me make myself a drink to drink all by myself while nobody else is drinking. Except that it turns out it is MY vodka that Alex and I bought....months ago. So now I really, really want it. Argh. Why won't he go make me a drink?! Waaaaaaahahahahaha!!!!!

I am totally not getting anywhere on my papers. Oh jesus.

i'm going to be an aunty.

Here I sit, in the Boca Raton Community Hospital. I've now been here four times this month. This time I am here for my sister. She possibly has a kidney infection but we won't know for a while longer. I brought my books with me so I could work on my papers but I've got an awful headache that may turn into a migraine. Thus, I put my things away and am farting about on the Internet, actually wishing I could go back home and go to bed. Oh, bed. It sounds so good. Sooooo good.

It is rather chilly out today for south Florida, although not, I suppose, for mid-November. I like it.

I was going to write an entry about what an awful student I am, and the history of my schooling, but I got bored with myself and I really ought to go back to trying to write these papers. Plus, you've all read many times over about my educational woes. If anybody has some sort of connection that can provide me with a degree for a negotiable fee instead of two more bloody semesters, I am totally interested.

( More about my ears )

Regarding the papers I ought to be doing, the main reason I was motivated to write an entry is because after an entire semester of knowing this 8-page paper was due on Tuesday, and having selected a topic, and checked out books from my city library, I finally sat down to start my research and write the damn thing when I discovered, to my horror and utter dismay, that I have nothing!! Absolutely nothing! Hurrah! Now I am torn between saying "Fuck it, it's only 20% and I'm probably going to fail the class anyway" or going back to the drawing board - in this case, a list of approved paper topics - and trying anyway. Although I know the latter to be the wisest choice, I really don't know if I will pass this class. My doubts are rather high. I thought writing a fabulous paper for this class would be my saving grace and I would pass the class with, if not flying then at least not running, colors. However, I looked at my syllabus again to see the grading system/percentage division thing that, you know, tells you what everything is worth. And sadly, this huge paper is only 20%. And...I've failed at least 25% already. As a result, I'm not entirely sure that writing this paper won't be a giant waste of my time.

That being said, I will conclude and begin the rest of my pile of homework - starting with the papers that are late, progressing to the papers that are due, and all the while wrestling with whether or not that other paper will be written.

P.S. The coolest thing I've ever found, by the way, is the GPA calculator I found earlier through Google. I do need to know, however, how semester GPAs are determined - is it an average of the two? Pls help. Thank you.

i really wish i could stop hurting.

on thursday, i woke up with an ear ache. i put some drops in it and it started feeling a little better and i took some tylenol at work and it was bearable and all that. then i went to class and when i got back to work, my ear suddenly hurt a lot worse. i took a couple more tylenol and by the time i went home a few hours later, it was the sodding worst pain ever. i skipped class so i could go home and nap or something but then i went to see my mom at the ER while running errands and told her my ear really hurt, wah wah wah. she asked if i wanted to stick around and i said no, i'd go home and put more drops in and be fine. because it's just an ear infection. i drove to alex's put drops in my ear, and felt like...who knows, i was birthing babies from my ear. it hurt so effing badly i didn't know what to do with myself. alex took me to the ER and i saw the same dr that kristen saw on tuesday night when i took her in for her broken rib, so that was funny. he said i had a middle ear infection, gave me a vicodin and a couple prescriptions and sent me home. we went to walgreens to get the scripts (anti-inflammatory and antibiotics) and then home where i passed out but woke up as soon as the vicodin wore off to horrible pain. and that was pretty much my whole weekend - hideous, hideous pain. i would wake up in the night, i cried, i tried hot compresses, i took some of my step-mom's painkillers. if i took two at a time, my ear felt better, but they didn't react well with the anti-inflammatory i was taking so i ended up vomiting the whole weekend too. and then my other ear started hurting too. so of course, when i got home sunday evening, we went back to the ER where i learned that i had developed "bilateral external ear infections," which basically means i have OH MY GOD KILL ME pain in both ears. currently i have wicks in my ears, which are apparently cotton strips twisted into my ear canals to help fluids drain out but i don't think they're really working as my left ear canal seems to have swollen entirely shut. i can't hear a thing and i don't think the ear drops are going anywhere, just pooling up. tomorrow morning i have an appointment with an ear, nose and throat doctor so hopefully he can do something for me LIKE GIVE ME SOME FUCKING PAIN KILLERS, DEAR LORD. the ER doctor is an asshat for not giving me anything for the pain. and that is the story of my pain and my ears and my weekend and why i didn't answer the phone all day on my birthday.

despite all the pain and throwing up, i actually had a lovely weekend. i got to take alex to epcot with me, we hung out with my parents, i saw my grandmother, we were at epcot, i got a pearl from an oyster like i've always wanted to, i got a floppy hat, and we stayed in a nice big hotel. it was very fun and would only have been nicer without the ear infections.

my birthday was okay. i spent the day napping on and off and popping pills. my mom had to work all day so i didn't see her except for one point in the morning, when i staggered out of my room like a drunk to go to the bathroom (my equilibrium is getting fucked with because of my ears). my sister made me a really lovely cake and it was delicious and very rich. alex came over for an hour or two and then later, i went to his house because his mom got me a cake and she and his sister had a present for me. it was a nice evening and alex got his mom to give me some of her painkillers so that made it even better because then i wasn't cringing with pain all night and i got a few hours of good sleep.

now i'm in pretty awful pain again and i've got a headache from it and i don't know where my ibuprofen went so i've been taking pamprin all day, which, i know, seems weird, but it's helping, actually. being in the car makes me feel horrible so i've been staying home all day and thank god my class tomorrow is cancelled. i just hope i feel well enough to go to class thursday because i've got anal retentive teachers. bleh. i took the whole week off work though.

aw, and now my internet connection is dying. wait, it came back.

we voted today. the line was very long and my back really hurts now. soon we will be watching the new futurama movie and eating pomegranate that we bought yesterday while hunting for pumpkins (unsuccessful, that).

i am...a bit bummed about stupid things i shouldn't be bummed about but i can't help it and i'm a silly girl. the end.

pomegranate is going to be so good. oh man. i can't wait.

i also can't wait for classes to end. jesus.

except when they end forever, i'll actually have to work all the time and i don't like that option either.

i turn 23 in nine days.

happy november.